Monday, 16 July 2012

Rio Ferdinand's Dictionary

Well well well...  Rio Ferdinand hey?!

It’s usually his top lip hanging there like a badly packed kebab that annoys me..  But now he is deciding to change the meanings of phrases to try and worm out of trouble? 
One could say that Rio is a :

Shithouse (n)  Someone who ‘gives it big guns’ and then retracts and squirms when trouble comes knocking

I was highly amused by Rio’s antics over the weekend. He, by proxy, calls Ashley Cole a ‘Choc Ice’ which every single person on earth knows to be a derogatory term for ‘black on the outside, white on the inside’.

But in Rio’s Dictionary:

Choc Ice  (n)  “Someone who is fake. So there.”

Amusing, in that the could have called that little runt Cole something simple, like a “CUNT”, or, say a “QUEER FAG BASTARD WHO PUTS MOBILE PHONES ON VIBRATE UP HIS ARSE” and no one would have batted an eyelid.

But setting aside that small matter, Rio’s own definition of Choc Ice has inspired me to share a few other ‘classics’ that might be in Rio’s Dictionary:

RIO'S DICTIONARY - Volume one:

Moving House (v) :  Deliberately missing a drugs test after being off your face      *allegedly
Stay On Your Feet (phrase):    A catch phrase launched to pretend that an aging, injury prone footballer is actually at the height of his game and is tackling everything that moves, when really, his back legs have gone.
Murking  (v)  :  Acting a twat and trying to have your mates off with lame as fuck practical jokes, and telling them, “You Got Murked” on TV, but just looking a cunt yourself through the whole process.
What reasons? (question) :   Realising you are too shit, even for England, but instead of taking it on the chin when you don’t get picked, publically questioning the Owl-faced buffoon who manages England, via Twitter.  Cringe.

Ayia Napa Kappa Slappa (n):  the woman who features in the embarrassing porn vid with Rio, Lampard and Dyer circa 2000   *allegedly 

Lamp-roast (v):  To spit roast aforementioned Ayia Nappa Kappa Slappa with your England team mate Frank Lampard

Doing 105.9 (v): the acceptable speed to travel on most motorways, before finally getting banned

Self important twat (Adj):  Description of Rio Ferdinand

Soggy Ham Butty (n):  Description of Rio’s top lip

Slug lip (n):  Description of Rio’s top lip

Badly packed kebab (n):  Description of Rio’s top lip

....And I know its not in alphabetical order.. but his top lip and bottom lip arent in order so why would his dictionary be?

Tweet any submissions for Rio’s Dictionary to  @MrJimmyCorkhill    #RiosDictionary



  1. Head like a smashed tarantula.

  2. The "Rio" Swiss Army Knife. A Tool for every occasion

  3. 'Twitter' verb transitive. Commercial opportunity to flog fashion products to 3m followers (regularly topped up by a bit of controversy).

  4. Absolute cock knocker :- description of rio.

  5. how has he got that many followers? shows how fucked up the world is